Talking with Children Toolkit
Simple ways to explain, prepare, and support children through life's toughest moments.
Grief After a Death
Supporting children after someone has died.
Choose an Age Group
Grief After a Death
What Your Child May Understand
Children grieve in short bursts. They may ask serious questions, then return to play. This is normal. Infants do not understand explanations, but they respond to routine, touch, voice, separation, and caregiver stress.
What to Say
“We are sad because we love them. You can ask questions, talk, play, cry, or take a break.” Use a calm voice: “I am here. You are safe. We are helping you.”
What to Include
- Allow play, questions, silence, and changes in behavior.
- Share memories out loud.
- Keep routines steady.
- Offer keepsakes when appropriate.
- Keep routines as consistent as possible.
- Use familiar comfort items, voices, and touch.
- Support the caregiver so they can support the infant.
Common Questions Children May Ask
- Infants will not ask verbal questions, but they communicate through crying, sleep, feeding, and body cues.
Helpful Reminders
- Grief may look different in children than adults.
- Repeated questions are normal.
- Children need safety, routine, and honest words.
- Keep explanations short and concrete.
- It is okay to repeat the same words many times.
- Children may return to play after asking a serious question.
- You do not have to explain everything at once.
Grief After a Death
What Your Child May Understand
Children grieve in short bursts. They may ask serious questions, then return to play. This is normal. Toddlers understand what is happening right now. They need short words, repetition, comfort, and simple choices.
What to Say
“We are sad because we love them. You can ask questions, talk, play, cry, or take a break.” Use simple words: “This is hard. I am here. You are safe. I will help you.”
What to Include
- Allow play, questions, silence, and changes in behavior.
- Share memories out loud.
- Keep routines steady.
- Offer keepsakes when appropriate.
- Use first/then language.
- Offer two simple choices when possible.
- Repeat the same words as often as needed.
Common Questions Children May Ask
- “Where did they go?”
- “All done?”
- “Can I come?”
Helpful Reminders
- Grief may look different in children than adults.
- Repeated questions are normal.
- Children need safety, routine, and honest words.
- Keep explanations short and concrete.
- It is okay to repeat the same words many times.
- Children may return to play after asking a serious question.
- You do not have to explain everything at once.
Grief After a Death
What Your Child May Understand
Children grieve in short bursts. They may ask serious questions, then return to play. This is normal. Preschool children think concretely and may use magical thinking. They may believe something happened because of something they did, said, or thought.
What to Say
“We are sad because we love them. You can ask questions, talk, play, cry, or take a break.” Use clear words: “You did not cause this. Nothing you said, did, or thought made this happen.”
What to Include
- Allow play, questions, silence, and changes in behavior.
- Share memories out loud.
- Keep routines steady.
- Offer keepsakes when appropriate.
- Keep explanations short and concrete.
- Repeat the same words many times.
- Allow play after serious conversations.
Common Questions Children May Ask
- “Did I make this happen?”
- “Will it happen to me?”
- “When are they coming back?”
Helpful Reminders
- Grief may look different in children than adults.
- Repeated questions are normal.
- Children need safety, routine, and honest words.
- Keep explanations short and concrete.
- It is okay to repeat the same words many times.
- Children may return to play after asking a serious question.
- You do not have to explain everything at once.
Grief After a Death
What Your Child May Understand
Children grieve in short bursts. They may ask serious questions, then return to play. This is normal. School-age children can understand simple cause and effect. They often want to know what happened, why it happened, and what happens next.
What to Say
“We are sad because we love them. You can ask questions, talk, play, cry, or take a break.” Use honest, simple information: “Here is what we know. Here is what will happen next.”
What to Include
- Allow play, questions, silence, and changes in behavior.
- Share memories out loud.
- Keep routines steady.
- Offer keepsakes when appropriate.
- Ask what they already know.
- Correct misunderstandings.
- Give clear next steps and reassurance about who will care for them.
Common Questions Children May Ask
- “Why did this happen?”
- “Could this happen again?”
- “Who will take care of me?”
Helpful Reminders
- Grief may look different in children than adults.
- Repeated questions are normal.
- Children need safety, routine, and honest words.
- Keep explanations short and concrete.
- It is okay to repeat the same words many times.
- Children may return to play after asking a serious question.
- You do not have to explain everything at once.
Grief After a Death
What Your Child May Understand
Children grieve in short bursts. They may ask serious questions, then return to play. This is normal. Teens can understand complex information and uncertainty. They need honesty, privacy, respect, and involvement.
What to Say
“We are sad because we love them. You can ask questions, talk, play, cry, or take a break.” Use direct language: “You deserve honest information. I will tell you what I know and what is still uncertain.”
What to Include
- Allow play, questions, silence, and changes in behavior.
- Share memories out loud.
- Keep routines steady.
- Offer keepsakes when appropriate.
- Respect privacy.
- Offer choices and involvement.
- Talk about school, peers, social media, and safety when relevant.
Common Questions Children May Ask
- “What exactly happened?”
- “What happens now?”
- “Can I have time alone?”
Helpful Reminders
- Grief may look different in children than adults.
- Repeated questions are normal.
- Children need safety, routine, and honest words.
- Keep explanations short and concrete.
- It is okay to repeat the same words many times.
- Children may return to play after asking a serious question.
- You do not have to explain everything at once.
Grief After a Death
What Your Child May Understand
Children grieve in short bursts. They may ask serious questions, then return to play. This is normal. Young adults can process complex information but may still need support, practical guidance, and space to respond in their own way.
What to Say
“We are sad because we love them. You can ask questions, talk, play, cry, or take a break.” Use respectful, direct language: “I want to be honest and supportive. We can go through this one step at a time.”
What to Include
- Allow play, questions, silence, and changes in behavior.
- Share memories out loud.
- Keep routines steady.
- Offer keepsakes when appropriate.
- Offer practical next steps.
- Respect independence and privacy.
- Ask what kind of support would be most helpful.
Common Questions Children May Ask
- “What are my options?”
- “What do I need to do next?”
- “Who can help me with this?”
Helpful Reminders
- Grief may look different in children than adults.
- Repeated questions are normal.
- Children need safety, routine, and honest words.
- Keep explanations short and concrete.
- It is okay to repeat the same words many times.
- Children may return to play after asking a serious question.
- You do not have to explain everything at once.